Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
