oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think i got beer on your cat.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
