after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
