her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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