I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
