My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
