i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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