Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
