last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
