i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
