i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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