New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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