Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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