I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
