dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
