I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
