i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
