do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
