Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
