you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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