what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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