The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize