i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
