Will you blow on my dice?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
