What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
