you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there was a trapeze. enough said
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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