1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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