Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
