I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
