i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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