the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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