So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
