its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm at about main and main street
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
