I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
