mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
