our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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