your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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