your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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