i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish I only lived at night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
