Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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