I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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