the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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