OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
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He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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