I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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