Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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