420 ftw
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
