im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
