I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize