Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
