I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
