summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
