You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
