He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
