am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
