Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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