I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
