you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
