They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
