I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
