What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
