cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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