I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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