I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
