my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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