It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
