The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
