So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Still dying that you shit outside
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
