If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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