Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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