I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
